I haven’t had much to say the past two days. I have skipped my time with God in order to paint our kitchen cabinets. I’m pretty sure that’s not the best of reasons. I felt the need this morning though and sat down first thing. After my studying, I made French toast for the family for brunch (I used heavy whipping cream instead of milk and, oh my, it was thick and rich and delicious) and we all sat at the table and ate together. I love mornings like that. Sometimes, even though we live in the same house, I miss our children. Everyone is busy/gone/in their rooms/using electronics. I shouldn’t blame it all on them though. I’m just as bad. Now, back to what I was saying before I interrupted myself…
I am always amazed at how all of the different books and resources I use line up on one subject on the same day. I know I say that a lot, but it just amazes me. It’s as if it’s a personal message from Father. Today was about trusting God and His timing. I have to insert a story here,
I got really sick a couple of years ago. They still haven’t really figured it out yet. My psych (and every other specialist) thinks it could micro-seizures, mini strokes, or manic depression. As I was going through all of the med adjustment, etc., my psych suggested I go talk with a counselor to discuss how all of this was affecting me. Before my second appointment, I prayed and prayed about what it was that I wanted to get out of it and what was the most important. After praying for several days, I woke up with a picture of small river rocks in a box and each one had writing on it listing things that I was needing/wanting/stressing me out/worried about in my life. My wonderful husband took me out to a river bed so that I could collect a box of rocks. I came home and, the next day, spent quite awhile going through each one and figuring out what I should write. Interestingly, as I wrote them and then sorted them to see what they had in common, I discovered that they all fell into distinct categories – my behaviors, my attitudes, and things I wanted other people to do. I sat with those rocks for several days, until I realized that there was a progression these rocks were a part of.
my health situation > not believing God> not trusting God>not trusting God’s timing>emotional eating
I brought my box of rocks to the appointment, dumped them out on her rug, organized them, and told her all about what I had discovered. She asked me thought-provoking questions that made a lot of sense. I took those questions home and sat with my rocks over the course of a week – weeding some out, and even getting rid of whole categories (things I want other people to do – pretty obvious because I can’t even make myself do half of what I want to – no way I was going to make anyone else do something). Before getting rid of them, I sat with each one and thought about what it would mean to let it go, how it would affect my life, and what would it feel like if I did. It was a peaceful experience and one I thoroughly enjoyed.
So, you can see, I have a previous and long-standing issue with not believing God or trusting Him or His timing. Today, it was all about the same thing. The story of Rebekka being chosen, the Ten Virgins, the Roman soldier and his servant, my devotional book, the Ensign (a monthly church magazine), and another Conference talk. Here’s the short version~
OT: God answered the servant’s prayer by Rebekka’s resonse
NT: the Roman soldier knowing that Christ would heal his servant, even from far away
Proverbs: “Trust in the Lord with all thine heart and lean not unto thine own understanding”
Devotional: Romans 15:13 May the God of hope fill you with joy and peace as you trust in Him.
Conference: the Ten Virgins – the oil of spiritual preparedness cannot be shared
Ensign: the Ten Virgins – spiritual strength comes from consistent obedience over time and cannot be shared
After all of this the phrase, “SEEK FIRST THE KINGDOM OF GOD” jumped into my mind. Of course, I had to look up the definition to those. “SEEK” – search for, desire, to obtain or achieve, ask for something, intent, focus, go to, beg for, conscious fixing on, directed by my heart. “FIRST” – before anything else, prefer, with a specific person leading, focus on, good of the best quality, most and best effort.
So, if I am to be a wise, God following woman, who wants to enter the kingdom of heaven at some point, I can work backwards through all of these examples in the scriptures. First, with my best effort and focus, I need to direct my heart and focus (again, that word) on Father. I need to be consistent with my own small efforts towards full obedience. That means time with God being my first priority each day. Funny that would come up after missing two days this week. Hmm. As I do these small things, God will grant me peace and joy. I also need to believe that what He says is what will happen. He will bless me with the blessings I/we need. And, hardest of all, I need to let those around me choose and live their own paths. Their spiritual growth is their business and it is only between them and God.
That is very powerful to me today as I sit here and ponder the message. I desire to be a VALIANT daughter of God. I want to constantly go above and beyond the small things that draw me close to my Father, and your Father. I want to desire more and more each day to SEEK HIS KINGDOM and to trust that I will receive it as I do all of these small things. I know that this is also true for you.
Have a blessed day!