MY Time with God

Gerald May lamented, “By worshipping efficiency, the human race has achieved the highest level of efficiency in history, but how much have we grown in love?” John Eldredge goes on to say, “We’ve done the same to our relationship with God. Christians have spent their whole lives mastering all sorts of principles, done their duty, carried on the programs of their church…and never known God intimately, heart to heart.”

Umm… Isn’t that supposed to be the point of all this? The ups and downs? Religion? Churches? Prayer? The Commandments? Aren’t those things supposed to be changing our hearts? I’m afraid to consider what it might take if these things aren’t working. Yikes! 

I hadn’t thought about this subject until about ten years ago – about the time I could pay attention at church because I didn’t have little ones that needed mine. I started noticing how many people don’t appear to be paying attention and, heaven knows, it hasn’t gotten any easier to with smart everything we carry in our pockets and purses. Then, I began to see people who faithfully came, and served far more than I did, who didn’t seem to have a testimony of the gospel. Honestly, it caught me by surprise and I was alarmed. See, here’s the thing, if that can happen to them, then it most assuredly can happen to me and that is a scary thought. 

I don’t want to be so caught up in rules that my heart is hardened. I don’t want to get caught up in the social aspect and have my church service become my social hour. I want my time with God to be MY Time WITH God. I want to jealously guard those short moments in my busy days where it’s just Him and me. I can’t fill up my life so that I miss my daily communion with His spirit. I don’t want to come to church to play on my phone. 

Now, let me be perfectly clear here. I am not judging anyone. I am learning by example. Heaven knows I do enough disruptive stuff at church that people probably wonder about. A part of having bipolar disorder is being sensitive to pretty much everything – you know, normal things like light, sounds, emotions, energy, comments. If it can be done, said, felt or experienced, I am sensitive to it. So, I have to get up frequently and go somewhere quiet. Did I say frequently? My little bit of time to be with God makes me protective of the time I do have. I am scared that “they” could be me. I am so close to being that preoccupied. However, I have also learned that, like the image above, my meat and potatoes of learning and time with God happens during my own time. I go on Sunday to be inspired. When does yours happen?

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