9:00 pm


I’m sitting here, in our recliner, reading Waking the Dead and listening to the tv. The house is quiet and cool. I have one of my favorite blankets on my lap (my step mom made us each one) and our two couch pillows nestled around me. Everyone is in their rooms or off having fun with friends. My husband is gone, working at his second job. 

I feel quiet and calm – peaceful. It doesn’t come easy to me. I am a learner and forever curious. Far too many questions rattle around my brain at all hours of the day and night. I am grateful to live in a time of smartphones and the web. I have answers to many things right at my fingertips. The very second I ask them. 

A few months ago, I started attending Alcoholics Annonymous meetings every day. It wasn’t because I was dealing with an addiction, I was searching for peace. Deep peace. Lasting peace. Peace that inhabits every fiber of my being. In the words and stories in that room, I could feel their desperation for that same elusive peace. I felt at home in that desperation. Then, came a break. My psychiatrist caught me in a moment of hypomania and I was finally diagnosed as being bipolar. Meds have calmed my mind and allowed that peace to be felt more easily and more often.

I have since found greater peace in the written word – good books. I have always loved to read, as I mentioned in an earlier post here. I rarely read fiction, unless my daughters recommended them. My focus is almost always biographies, nonfiction, business, and books that show me ways to draw closer to God. These last books are my favorites. My passion in life is without a doubt my relationship with God and His Son. 

While attending those AA meetings, I kept getting stuck on the “how.” How do I do Step 1 (recognizing I’m powerless)? How do I accept and do Step 3 (turning it all over to God – “He could and would if He were sought”)? How? How? How?

The woman who began to sponsor me stopped me dead in my tracks one day and told me enough with the “how.” Her advice? Just do it. Funny how Nike has been right all of these years. My relationship with God isn’t a how question. My relationship with God is a do question. Will I just stop making excuses and do what He has said? I don’t have to be perfect. I don’t have to do everything. I do need to pray and listen and find out the one or two things God wants me to do right now, for this next little bit. Mine might be personal prayer. Real prayers. For you it might be smiling at strangers or not yelling at your children. Seriously, His work is so specific for us and our lives and it’s completely different for you and me. 

This book, Waking the Dead, has reminded me of these truths over and over again. God’s work is personal, individual and specific. His glory is the work He does with and through us – in and with me. And you. 

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