My day has started off differently than I had planned and I am still trying to adjust to this new blog format, so it’s also taken longer than I planned. And it’s OKAY. I’m just picking up where I was and moving on. I have that luxury. Our home is quiet and no one is around. I don’t have small children to care for and our house is orderly. I do have laundry to complete, but it’s just for my husband and I, so we’re okay if I don’t get it done (I taught our children to do their own laundry at age nine, so I actually haven’t needed to do theirs for a very long time). I don’t have dinner going yet, but it’s also only 11:40 in the morning. I do know what’s available for dinner because I have a meal plan and I know I have the ingredients because I went grocery shopping. So, here I sit, in my new craft room reading, writing, and eating strawberries. Oh, and I had a pistachio muffin. Yum!
I had some time to run some errands and to attend an appointment with my psychiatrist, so there was time before and after those two things to ponder about what I am studying and to look forward to what else I was going to read when I came home. Today’s passages didn’t go together like they sometimes do, so today may seem a bit disjointed, kind of like my morning.
Today’s Overeaters Anonymous devotional book message was that it’s okay to not know how to manage my life or the stuff around me. That is such a relief, isn’t it? It’s okay. I’m finding that the more I hear that and repeat it to myself, the more I believe it and accept it. I’ve always thought adults were supposed to have it “all worked out” and I catch myself occasionally reverting to those thoughts. “Sheesh! I’m forty-seven, what is wrong with me?” Surely, I am not the only one who doesn’t have it all worked out!!
The AA devotional kind of went along with the OA one. It is that we should pass on the love and kindness we receive. Well, wouldn’t it be nice if we started by passing it on to ourselves first?
Again, the message from the General Conference talk I read this morning (In Praise of Those Who Save by President Dieter F. Uchtdorf) was about how love is the answer to every problem. He says, “Whatever problems your family is facing, whatever you must do to solve them, the beginning and the end of the solution is charity, the pure love of Christ. Without this love, even seemingly perfect families struggle. With it, even families with great challenges succeed. Charity never faileth.” Ahh…I am beginning to recognize a theme that I did not see, hmmm…could it be love?
I know that as our family has struggled my husband and I have made the decision over and over to preserve our relationships with our family and to make that choice to love above everything else. After all, that’s our natural inclination. We want to love these children and their partners whole heartedly, with all we are, because we do love them that much. We want them to know it too and that can mean letting go of expectations. I didn’t ever believe I had expectations for my children. I certainly didn’t care what career choice or college they attended, but I did have other expectations. As I’ve let go of them, my relationship with them has greatly improved. It’s taken the pressure off of our relationship for it to be based on something it shouldn’t have anything to do with.
Moroni chapter four in the Book of Mormon is continuing to talk about the was and destruction of the entire populations of two groups of people. In verse 8, Mormon says, “they did again boast of their own strength; and they went forth in their own might.” He goes on to share that just twelve years later “And from this time forth did the Nephites gain no power over the Lamanites, but began to be swept off by them even as a dew before the sun.” They had no power to protect themselves, their country, their families, because they gave up God in favor of their own strength. Pride. Yuck. It can divide and wreck and destroy.
I realized a long time ago from some deep scripture study and prayer that we can remain humble three ways. First, by an internal struggle like sin. Secondly, we can be humbled by an outward conflict. This is something that might be imposed on us and that we have no control over. Lastly, we can maintain humility and even choose to be humble simply by reading our scriptures. The power in the word of God is phenomenal. It gives us guidance and allows us to see ourselves through the eyes of God and through the experiences of others.
In If Only: Letting Go of Regret, Michelle speaks a bit to this today. She speaks about confession and about how there really needs to be a purpose in it. We have to recognize that confession is all about our relationship with our Father.
I agree with Michelle completely about what repentance is – it is a change of our view of God, our situation, and ourselves. God wants us to see ourselves as He sees us – as His child who is learning and growing and trying to become more like Him through all of our earthly experiences. That’s the goal, you know? To learn and grow in God.
I’m going to get on with my day and eat some more strawberries. They are delicious!