Yesterday afternoon, I decided I wanted to read something just for fun. I went into our library and picked out 11/22/63 by Stephen King. I tried to read it once before, but I just couldn’t get into it. This time, wham! I was hooked after just two pages. I read for about six hours and I’m just shy of 2/3 done. It’s a big book, 800+ pages and it sucked me right in. Much of it is set in the ’60’s and when I put it down last night I felt like I was living between two worlds. I had a hard time wrapping my brain around 2016.
I love to read, it’s a great quality God has given me. I don’t read much for fun or what I like to call “junk books.” They are the quick reads that I enjoy, but don’t remember a thing about afterward. I like books about real people in real situations or books that teach me something. It’s how I like my tv too. I am insatiably curious. I have questions about a million different things!
Some of my biggest questions revolve around the gospel and Christ and all that goes with those. So much of it I won’t know until I leave this earth, but I want to. I read and study and pray, which has brought me to many things I believe. I guess it’s the whole faith thing, right? We have to have faith that the things we learn are true. I do. I believe the things the Spirit whispers to me because I feel them deep in my own spirit. It’s like I already knew them, but forgot. I’ve heard that a lot of times from people who have recently discovered God or portions of His gospel that were new to them. This principle of faith is something that we can’t do on our own. The OA book today was about this very thing. We can’t rely on ourselves for so many things. There’s just too much we don’t know and don’t control. I’ve come to the realization that most of the time I can’t even force myself to do what I want to do. There are many times when I just react instead of being thoughtful.
Faith requires putting God first in our lives (AA reflection for today). Now, how we do that is just as varied as we are. It means something different to everyone. When I get down to the nitty gritty of it, I’m not sure how I do. I mean I spend time studying every day and I do pray. I go to church. I try to be kind and loving, but I don’t think about Jesus and what He’s done for me much during the times I’m not doing those other things. I don’t actively think about becoming more like Him. The conference talk quoted the apostle Paul,
That your faith should not stand in the wisdom of men, but in the power of God.
When I was going to this scripture, I accidently went to 4:2-5 which says,
Moreover it is required in stewards, that a man be found faithful.
But with me it is a very small thing that I should be judged of you, or of man’s judgment: yea, I judge not mine own self.
For I know nothing by myself; yet am I not hereby justified: but he that judgeth me is the Lord.
Therefore judge nothing before the time, until the Lord come, who both will bring to light the hidden things of darkness, and will make manifest the counsels of the hearts: and then shall every man have praise of God.
I think they both apply to how I feel this morning about faith. My faith rests in Jesus Christ and His power. I know that nothing good happens without Him. I also know, as in the next verses, that we shouldn’t be judging anyone, even ourselves. We just live by faith, repent as necessary, do our best, and God will judge us in the end. He will allow us to see the hidden things – both the bad and the good – of hour hearts. What treasures do we have in there that we don’t even see?
Kelly’s book talks a lot about this in week five. She mention 1 Samuel 16:7 as a reference scripture, which says in part, “for the Lord seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart.” We don’t even see the goodness hiding in our hearts, but God does. He sees what we can become with His help and a little faith on our part. She comments on this – “God knows the truth, whether you tell Him or not.” We often think of these scriptures as the bad things in our hearts, but it’s true of the good things too. One of the days had an exercise to see the good things in yourself that God sees and to write those things down. That is hard. How does God see me? What a lot of prayer that will require to know. What a leap of faith it may be to discover and believe that God sees all the good in us.
I believe that God sees us through the “filter” of His Son. I know that Jesus Christ is a resurrected being with a body, but I can picture Him standing in front of me at the judgement bar saying to our Father, “I already took care of that for Her.” The best part is believing Christ when He says that He and His Father will remember our sins no more. All we have to do is repent. Just say I’m sorry and recognize that the damage we have done is to our relationship with them and try not to do it again. So much of our lives here revolve around just trying. It’s really all we can do. Afterall, God would never force us to do anything. Our will is all we can give back. The rest He has given us. Today, I can believe that He sees my good and that, with His help, I can too. I believe that I only need to try today to be a little closer to Him than yesterday and it will be enough.