Oh boy. Today’s topics will be hard to write about. Mostly because I am guilty of both. Man, oh man, there are circumstances in my life I want to be “right” and, more than that, I am the poster child of unhappiness because of those couple of things. Of course, it all makes me weary, carrying that around. I wish I could just give it up or turn it over to God or something. I can’t. As hard as I try, I just keep picking it back up, or it keeps attaching itself back to me, I can’t tell which. Max Lucado nailed these two on the head in these two chapters in his book, Traveling Light.
I know life is meant to be hard, but why is it so hard with the things we value the most? Is this some kind of Supreme lesson of not letting anything, especially those things we want the most, to get between me and my relationship with God? I mean, what if those circumstances were resolved, what would I need Him for? I sure spend a lot of time in prayer because of it now. I pray for my heart to change. I pray for my heart to be drawn more to God. I pray for patience. I pray for trust and faith and determination. I pray for a lot of things, but I mostly feel alone in this personal battle to be accepting of the situation.
I bet we all have one of these. That’s not a very pleasant thought, is it? All of us wandering around with this gaping hole of pain and not finding relief because the thing is so important to us. I often tell my husband that if we weren’t able to have children, we probably would have gotten divorced. It would have driven me to distraction and, since I know myself well, I know in my heart I would have taken it out on him. It would not have been pretty. However, I still have this ache in my heart for something else and, I hope and pray, that I am not making him miserable by my incessant whining and crying about it, it must bother him. It bothers me! What are you longing for and how is it affecting your life?