Matthew 8:26

So, I guess now would be a good time to come clean. This quote strikes right at my heart. I have been having a faith transition over the past three months. I have four wonderful children and two are LGBTQ. I adore and am proud of them all.

Our two LGBTQ children came out nearly three years ago, but it wasn’t until March that I had a “come to Jesus” moment. I have been a Mormon Christian my whole life. It was shocking to have two children come out within just a couple of months. I struggled with wanting them to change, I’m not going to lie, but then I came to terms with the fact that they have their own paths to walk.

Then, I began to have questions about God creating spirits that would need to be “fixed.” Through some serious reflection and prayer, I came to understand that He created them that way. My concept of God and heaven and religion began to change and I quickly found myself “out” of my religion. It literally felt like I bounced right out of the religion bubble right onto my butt.

I spent the next two months in serious prayer and study trying so hard to get back what I had. No luck. I just can’t, for whatever reason, feel what I once did. It’s the strangest feeling and so unexpected. I have been devout my entire life. I have faithfully studied and prayed and attended and served and wham! Here I am. Very confused.

So, this verse. Hmm. Faith in God? Honestly, I’m not too sure where I am with that right now. This passage is answered in this book, What Did Jesus Ask?, by Sarah Young. You may know her name from her daily devotional book, Jesus Calling. I own that book and it was one that I consistently used for my daily devotional before I started my personal studies. I love her writings, but again, I don’t feel the same about them.

You may ask, then why am I still here, reading these books and blogging about them? Well, to try to gain some understanding of what I do believe now. I want to be exposed to ideas and thoughts and beliefs to see where I fall in all of this.

So, I will keep showing up. I will keep reading and opening my heart and mind to enlightenment and teaching and hope that I can truly come to a testimony of what I do believe.

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